What 2013 Taught Me

So I've been AWOL for a while. And while haven't been doing any actual blogging, I have definitely been talking about it...'tis one of the only impressive-sounding things in a  thoroughly-average, lazy bookworm's life. Makes people think you're into web-design and things when in fact, your Diploma in Engineering is worth exactly puddlenuts.  

Anyway, 2013 has been a fun ride and this is what I've learnt!

Trying to learn integration and differentiation in one night is bad idea. Might as well not bother studying at all.

A blog is probably one of the only things you can boast about, that won't embarrass you. Until someone actually reads it.

Don't begin watching The Big Bang Theory unless you intend to finish the series. And the bloopers, and the filming episodes and the Comic-Con panels. That said, everyone should watch it. Give up your Christmas break. You won't be sorry. This.

Yep.Arms and all.

If you live in India and speak English you should join Teach India. People who actually want your advice about their English, free food during training at a fancy hotel, and a British Council certificate.
What more does a pernickety convent-school grammar-granny want?!

Using ghee when one runs out of butter to make chocolate is a bad idea. Unless you don't mind chocolate-flavoured mysore pak. Blech. And I still ate it.

That's what I felt like. Till I remembered that I made it myself.

Don't ever step out of the house with friends thinking it's only till the shop downstairs to say bye. It never is. Always dress like people are watching you. That's how one ends up at the railway station in a brown nightdress and fishbone-flipflops with a deranged grin on one's face.
Also, Don't wear (unintentionally) torn-jeans thinking no one will notice. They do.

Google Keep is a bad idea. So is Google+. The first because you will probably end up losing all those hard-to-come-by smart-aleck replies you think of after arguments and the second because all your imaginary stalkers need only type in your name in Google to see your grinning face. That said, all hail Mother Google.
Seriously, do not use Google Keep. Not unless you want to end up like this:

Thus proved. Cats are always cute. Unlike human beings like yours truly.

YouTube is fun. A lot of fun.

Yes.

Stuff I'm looking forward to:

Buzzfeed India

IKR?!

Posting on a schedule is going to get difficult(*snort snort*)so I'm thinking of joining Twitter, The Twitteress anyone?!
140-character prospects! 

I've decided a twice-a-month schedule and thinking of joining IndiBlogger...I could use some peer-pressure.
And maybe a blog-makeover. The possibilities are endless!

Exactly.

And I hope you have a fantastic New Year!

I am a Child of Piracy**

Note:  This post might have nothing to do with the title.So if you're here looking for arguments to use against software pirates or something,you're at the wrong place mate!

And this post has a lot of unnecessary rambling which I was too proud of to edit but you’re free to skip paragraphs any time you feel like it’s getting boring and you won’t be missing anything. But I'll love you if you do manage to read the whole thing...*insert cute smile* or at least my best impression of cute...which ain’t very cute actually!

On with it!

I've run out of ideas.

The problem is nothing, I repeat, nothing I come up with is original, and every single thing is copied inspired by something or someone else.

I'm tired of constantly waking up and rooting through thoughts, words, actions, newspapers, books, movies, YouTube videos and everything under the sun for something I can talk about.

I surprise myself at times.

I have these weird slow motion visions in my head a lot these days.

I’ll be doing something, and all of a sudden, everything slows down and becomes ultra minute and clear and I’ll have writery phrases pop into my head to describe those...

For example:

Walking home after college:

Looking at a girl with a pretty looking tan on her face...sun kissed.

Which makes me...sun f**ked.

Me...normally.Now you also stare...stare...stare.

I have a thing for beautiful people.

I’ll sometimes see this pretty person on a road or bus or train and I want to go up to them, tap their shoulder and tell them, “You know you’re gorgeous right?!” and in my head write a post describing them using Victorian phrases.

While making an omelette:

Eggs are the most forgiving things on earth because however badly you splatter them while pouring; they’ll always heal while cooking.

Didn't someone say there’s a lesson to be learnt in everything?

Heck even when I'm reading something for crying out loud:

I begin reading. Each word on the screen clamouring for my attention. Begin from the beginning. Milking each sentence for all it is worth.

I've never read this carefully before...sifting every sentence for layers or hidden meanings. Funny because I've never been a carefully-read kinda person.

You know you've hit rock bottom when you contemplate writing a blog-post on why you love the word ‘f**k’.

No kidding. This is how far I got:

Four letters. One syllable. This word has captured the imagination of everyone...and I love it.

I love the relief that comes with just yelling f**k...unparalleled. Except by maybe a few other cuss words. But I prefer this one. It’s pretty clear and unambiguous. And mostly everyone understands it.

See??

This can be irritating. Since every single time I have to quickly run and grab something to record this on or I lose the train of thought.

Or it could possibly be what is called 'Getting an Idea'.

Yeah, I know. Certified crazy I am.

Back to why I can’t think of anything to write.

Keeping with the ‘ I'm a copycat pirate’ title here’s an extract from Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

She is the kind of author who would capture your imagination and keep it in a tin box next to her bed and you’d only be glad for that... I didn't stretch that too far did I?

She shakes up a lot. I didn't know WHAT to think after reading this book. 

For several years, I had been bored. Not a whining, restless child’s boredom (although I was not above that) but a dense, blanketing malaise. It seemed to me that there was nothing new to be discovered ever again. Our society was utterly, ruinously derivative (although the word derivative as a criticism is itself derivative). We were the first human beings who would never see anything for the first time. We stare at the wonders of the world, dull-eyed, underwhelmed. Mona Lisa, the Pyramids, the Empire State Building. Jungle animals on attack, ancient icebergs collapsing, volcanoes erupting. I can’t recall a single amazing thing I have seen first-hand that I didn't immediately reference to a movie or TV show. A fucking commercial. You know the awful singsong of the blasé: Seeeen it. I've literally seen it all, and the worst thing, the thing that makes me want to blow my brains out, is: The second-hand experience is always better. The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can’t any more  I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script.

It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters.

And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls.

It had gotten to the point where it seemed like nothing matters, because I'm not a real person and neither is anyone else.

I would have done anything to feel real again.

And the song I'm humming these days:

If you’re YouTube maniacs like I am, you might be familiar with the viral video called Numa Numa, this is the live version by O Zone(Yeah,they're a boy-band.What better way to get into the One Direction spirit of things!). And the language is Romanian, you’ll want to know after watching it.

P.S. And I know what you’re thinking right now...

That, dear reader, is what happens when my brain goes into overdrive...I start thinking too much and too little all at once.

And why did I subject you to that?

Well...I have no answer. Other than the oft-quoted Writer’s block...but hopefully you’ll be back next time for more craziness and not file a lawsuit against me...trust me to exaggerate.

Oh well!

Have a fantastic February! :)

Also today’s the two month birthday of my blog!

Let's Partayy!

**And the title's pirated too.From here!

See,I'm the piratingest pirate that ever lived...as long as my pirate is Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom!:)

And I did get the results from those exams I mentioned somewhere before and let me just say the marks make me want to start a protest march against the board's correction system!

It's a Blog's Life!

I've been thinking of writing this post for some time and I finally cranked it out in a not very inspired mood. But let us go on!

There was this question in my Computer Security paper last semester:

Describe the life cycle of a virus

Never mind that I probably am going to score a zero on that answer (I faintly remember writing something about virus babies) but I decided to write that answer in relation to something I love (as opposed to an evil virus)...my blog!

That coupled with another new fascination. GIFs. These tiny little moving pictures manage to say what authors attempt to express in several paragraphs(sometimes several pages!) and they might be bad for writing but I lurve them!

The Life-Cycle of a Blog

Phase 1:

INCEPTION

Where you first fall in love (and envy) with someone else's blog!

Elder brother, sister, chacha, mama, favourite author, anyone.

The freedom, the creativity, the virtual popularity it presents...unmatched!

A lot of blogs are born out of the oh-that’s-so-cute-I-want-that-too thought when we first see a blog. All of us have that inspiration story.

It starts for some (like me) as a spot to collect all the writery drivel we write and hopefully not have people ridicule the stuff, for some a popularity game to flaunt on Facebook(I’ve heard it helps if you have a sexy mugshot as your profile picture!),for some to use as a journal(but FB ruined all that!) or whatever.

Me, when I first saw eM’s blog.

Phase 2:

DEFLATION

This is the place where all the elation from Phase One plummets (busted balloon style...with the high pitched wailing) when your little baby isn't considered all that great in big cruel outside world.

Secretly whispering 'I just got my own blog' to friends (no family because...'course not!) doesn't elicit more than a 'Really?' from close friends and a 'Yep it’s cool. You did this yourself?' after they have a look.

No wonder cats are cool!

Phase 3.

PROPAGATION

Where you pull yourself out of the I-just-made-a-blog-and-no-one-gives-a-s**t-about-it haze and chalk out an active plan to get that stat-graph and GoogleFriendConnect box filling.

So you go on a blog-finding spree and end up finding some awesome writing in the process. You contemplate obliterating the pathetic excuse of a blog you've created after your self-esteem takes a serious beating after reading all the gorgeous goods which much more talented people have online.

And you read and read and keep reading and comment and stalk and one day, you get comments of your own too...you join this little virtual world of crazy misfits, non-popular geniuses and generally awesome people you always wished you’d meet one day!

Me,when I get a comment...or a compliment.

From here the story can go two ways,

ONE.

Stuff goes exactly the way you wanted it to.

Your blog grows, and grows and grows and reaches dizzying heights of blog-success and popularity, till you reach that point in time when you talk to *awesomekitty* from Timbuktu and pat-the-lad from Tennessee more than you talk to your real-life boyfriend/girlfriend and you sometimes get these wide-eyed stares when you describe that crazy-ass long comment thread on sparklysam that went on forever over dinner with your family...

Then they decide to pack you off to a far flung college with no outside connect except a phone in the principal’s office so that you stop all this blog-shog nonsense and begin passing in some subjects.

OR less dramatically, you get busy with life. With studies. Or a job. Or a new girlfriend/boyfriend(this is a little unlikely because I've seen that getting yourself a partner only sharpens the need to spill your guts to the public...not generalising of course).Or you get married. Or basically life happens.

Or you die.

End of blog.

Something like this:

                 

TWO.

Stuff doesn't go the way you planned.

You tank. You go bust. You’re defeated by the evil blog-monsters. Your self-esteem goes to the dogs. You spill tears over the blog-audience you never had. You decide to go back to more quaint methods of expressing yourself...the good ole diary, or more probably #Facebook, #Instagram or #Twitter.

What??You're telling me I can’t make hashtags on my blog?!

You never come back.And you feel something like this:

Phase 4.

DECLINE

The fate of all blogs.

I wish it weren't.

Just like the two cases above.

But the world calls with jobs and spouses and more lucrative and Boring but Necessary Things to do.

And the loser is the blog...the place that got you through many a hard day with all the happiness, goodness and encouragement.

When I stop being so jumpy, when I go from crazy teen to mommy-ish...do I graduate to a group of mom-and-babe blogs or techie blogs or something?

I need answers.

But then there's always...THE COMEBACK!!

All my plans to produce better writing simply aren't working. Call it writer’s block. Or the balderdash of an untalented uninspired writer...I simply don’t write stuff I’d be proud to call my own. Like what Zeba writes. This girl is the cause of many a bout if self-writing-loathing and swooning over how beautiful words can be. You’re missing something big if you haven’t read her. Go fall in love!

And my signing-out song.

May It Be by Enya. You've heard it in Lord of the Rings. And if you've been wondering who sang it, like me, I bring it to you!

P.S. I meant this post to be a funnier and more LOL-worthy post than the drivel you had to read through but after this sudden spate of comments on my blog and the virtual popularity(and the non-virtual bloated head), the truth is my noggin plain ain't working.

But as a present for you who laboured through that post, here’s something that’s REALLY funny. Ladies and Gentlemen, Presenting,

Achmed the Dead Terrorist!

Stay sane!

The Long & The Short

This idea is a continuation from an older blog but is a nice topic for a bit of chitchat and writing stuff down red-hot is the best way to preserve them so here goes...

I've just been reading The Host and I'm loving it!

After a long spell of self-imposed adult-novel reading, a heart pumping YA novel is just the thing to lift your spirits!

The problem with the novels I call adult novels is not that don’t have content...they do. Life of Pi and Lolita all had good, real, genuine stories to tell.

Not that they didn't have romance and passion, far from it, they had all that and more...and being 'adult' books gives them the freedom of including s** scenes, all the more masaledaar for being an adult novel!

Not that the characters aren't relatable to...they are...I liked Pi Patel, Saleem(Midnight's Children) and the rest of them...

Then what is?

I'll try explaining...the thing about YA stories is the delicious immediacy...you don’t have to wait forever for the hero and heroine to fall in love and kiss, for the villain to die, for the climax to come and so, for the happily-ever-after ending to come(sometimes not-so- happily-ever-after).

Hey and that doesn't mean I like my books short, no siree, even if I don’t reach the climax soon, I at least have something or the other happening in the story(I think that’s what makes short stories popular. Less to read and more happening)unlike a typical piece of so-called ‘Great Literary Fiction’ that tends to dwell for immensely long periods of time on something normally insignificant like a falling leaf...

I'm not saying that books ought to be the type of Tony-is-a-boy-Tony-goes-to-school type of fare meant for toddlers either, all I'm saying is that spending inconsiderate amounts of time on trivial things doesn't mean a book should classified great...that would make Literature the joke that Art had/has become, where a few squiggles made by a toddler is considered great painting.

It simply doesn't work that way...

All I'm saying is the greatness of a work of Writing (or Literature), shouldn't be judged on its grandiose words or length or so called 'intellectual' content (which is just psychological tosh and a posh way of saying ‘boring’!), but on its content and ability of drawing you into the story and making you empathize with its characters.

That, for me, is the mark of a great book.

Time for a list!

How I Know When A Book Is A Good Book:

1. When I cry, out of sadness, joy, frustration, empathy, whatever...it has to be good to make me cry...tears are precious after all!

2. When I laugh...crying is fine (even All the Best (pathetic excuse of a Bollywood movie if you didn't know!) made me cry) but only a truly great book can make you laugh. Laugh at the characters’ predicaments, thoughts, words, actions, anything!

Think: Roald Dahl...gawsh, he was one terrific author.

3. When I think and sometimes act on what I read. Anne Frank was one such writer. I don’t call her my writing-defining author for nothing; her diary was/is one of the most relatable books I’ve ever read.

4. When I empathise, sometimes wish I were the character in question. Ok, confession: I'm guilty of having wished I could be Bella and try to undo some of the dumb situations she got herself into (Sorry dear Twilight haters!)

5. When I learn stuff and try doing them for real. This happens with most books whose writers have a better vocabulary than I have but whenever I learn a new word, phrase, or tone of speech or mannerism I like, I usually end up liking that book.

Phrase watch: Laissez faire

Sentence use:

The new presidential nominee should lobby for a laissez faire system of government, but that would be like trying to enforce a utopian world!

Note: I do not know if that sentence is correct!

Till then, Adieu!

Things I Can't Do (Now!)

Ok, I've been wanting to right this for sometime but whenever this idea popped into my head, it would diverge into other self-deprecatory thought-streams, but I managed to hold on this time and here we are!

(The list is kind of short now, I'll add things as I go on in life!)

1.    Tie a plait or a braid or a pigtail.(All mean the same thing!)

2.    Cook(Not even make tea. I mean I know how to theoretically but not practically so basically, I can't cook!).

3.    Drive a scooty, or car or any motorized vehicle actually. I get scared about the vehicle running away. And it's not that I've not tried. I did. Didn't work. Story in my diary.

4.    Stay on a diet and exercise regime. I have terrible willpower.

5.    Whistle…Gosh, foo foo is all that comes out.

6.    Enjoy in a water park(or any park. or party. or anywhere where humans tend to congregate and dance and let their hair down. Inherent Indian Introvert-ness (I coined that!)). I have a drowning phobia though I still manage pretty well by bobbing up and down throughout the length of the pool but throwing myself down a water slide(or any slide for that matter),NO WAY.

7.    Dance. I have two left feet and left hands too probably. I have like a jangly giraffe when I have to dance, feeling ungraceful and envious of other gracefully dancing humans on the floor eats me up inside and freeze my already frozen feet.

8.    Sing, in tune at least. I would have been good, were it not for my self-esteem(and financial) issues which stopped me at a young age.

9.    Study sincerely...at least in my studies during term time. During exams, my posterior (The antonym is anterior!) heats up enough to worry me and I study!(There, you have the secret of my success!)

P.S. Diphthong is the best word in the English language currently!

Blog Versus Diary

I've been thinking of various beginnings to this entry though I should be continuing the previous one (My head feels a little scratchy (Not lice, chhi chhi!)...Oh I wish I had shampooed...don’t feel like I've had a bath without having shampooed and everything. Anybody there like that??)

Now for the article. I’d make two columns if I could…And whenever I say 'you' below, I'm talking to myself. So dear reader do bear with all the psycho-sounding talk and off we go!

Blog: I’ll have an adoring audience and something to speak of if anyone asks what my 'Internet Presence' is, being a Software Engineer and all (Okay I accept that last part was plain bragging;

...and I'll remedy that by saying I’m not even passionate about it. Happy?? ;

Hmmm...;

But that doesn't mean I’m not interested in it. Ha-ha! Gotcha. )

Diary: I’ll not be able to be myself...Internet Etiquette and Censorship and things and unless a girl writes about what she feels like, what’s the point anyway?

Plus my ideas of Politeness and Censorship mean more than a normal person's would.(Which shouldn’t be the case considering that I’ve read and understand way more than they do and am more feminist and modern than most folks I know...Please note: Not bragging here...you’d be surprised at the stupidity of people these days)

Blog: It’ll make me feel I’m writing for something and my writing quality will increase along with my self-esteem.

Diary: You feel obligated to the audience for the next blog, a diary is personal and you write for yourself...

Con here: You keep procrastinating (I’m fascinated about this word's spelling, aren't you?)...and will have to wait for creative writing school to write again in a proper way.

Blog: It’s a big step and you’ll have to wait for people to start reading it (Which might not happen at all, since all the readership has shifted to Facebook and Twitter and the lot of them...and you’re no well established author a la eM (I'm remembering that part from Etiquette For Dummies, Unless you’re a celeb or well established author, don’t dress in casuals to the academy awards or anything similar!))

Diary: You can start when you want which you already have and needn't worry about readership and hits and all that(And generally behave in that stupid, shameless, blatant popularity-seeking way which even adults do(Read Facebook friends)...I'm sad to say(And while I'm being all high-and-holy, let me say this: I’d probably be doing the same were it not for my dad-in-armour who saved me from the clutches of the Facebook beast by slaughtering all the possibilities of me ever having an Facebook account with the keep-the-family-name-high lectures(Smart daddy, highly ego boosting exercise so we keep ourselves in check like reverse psychology) and the no-net-at-home policy...))

So finally, who is going to win?

Taking into account all the previous raving we had I now announce that...

(I wanted this to be a court style ruling to please John Grisham but...never mind)

Both are winners!

{Yay...clap clap...}

Both because I'll be writing for myself...but with quality, always making things interesting for the reader and never being boring (Pretty impressive considering that this was the girl who in the past spent a lot of her time crying because Leslie called her pakav and generally thinking that she wasn't going to be liked by anyone in the world and would die a spinster...Ok, I do have scary déjà vu’s like that even now...)

And using a blog style in general.

Academy award-ishtlye Thank-you speech:

I would like to thank The Compulsive Confessor for being the biggest inspiration behind this bd (I.e., blogdiary)idea, totally indebted to all who are around me(That’s my parents, friends, loved ones)for being the ones who had and still have to bear the sweet pain(Heyy...that’s the word used to describe s**) and headache of having me around and making me who I am, and The Lord(Lord, I don’t know if this sounds super superficial but somewhere deep inside me there’s this genuine feeling of knowing that you are everything and I might not be able to reflect your awesomeness here but I mean it, I really do) for being there!

{Cheer clap clap...cut to shots of people with tear filled eyes...enter babbling SugarInc. Anchor babbling away about my speech and how great my blog is}...sigh.

See?

That’s how the entries are going to be...

Entertaining, introspective and funny. (With my typical brand of humour, to appreciate which you’d have to be me! See, I’m a funny girl no? )

Anyhoo then (Word courtesy eM)

Gotta fly! (Courtesy Barbie In A Fairy Secret!)

Add to Dictionary: eM stands for Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan of  Compulsive Confessions (it sounds great when you say it loud!)

In Retrospect:

This entry has too many parentheses (or too many parenthetical sentences (From the RD Thesaurus))..

            

Ab Initio...

Ab Initio means from the beginning btw (From the bearded man's Wren-and-Martin).
Here’s to new beginnings!
Oh how I love new things...
New books (The smell of new paper...mmm),
New toiletries (Dry soaps especially...Am I the only one or does anyone else feel that dry soaps make you happy??(With a clean toilet, of course!)),
New clothes (Need I say anything?),
New friends (That excited feeling when you see them the second time!),
New homes (Not when you’re rudely plucked away, but when it’s a premeditated,yearned and earned-for kind of place.),
New Years (I mean birthdays not drunk New Year parties.),
New weddings...I mean wedding (Though other's weddings are pretty interesting too!).I'm not exactly looking forward to this one...though I am curious...of course...in spite of the “I'm not ever getting married” rants (Tch tch you’re just 17 gal)!


I've decided I'm going to write from now...Whenever I feel like it and Not suppress myself any longer {Raise the flag...Dan Te Nan}


Few things I'm going to keep in mind;
1.     I will be genuine, i.e., I will write for myself and not for anyone else (That means I can gossip and rant about people but will put in a 'dear diary' heading for those entries)
2.     I will not write for the heck of writing (That means no indebted or obligated or have-to-do as opposed to want-to-do feelings)...But I'm allowed to write to an imaginary audience though.
3.     Not a rule but I will include any funny joke or incident which is write-and- read worthy...references to inspirations will be given.
4.    And when I get the time I will honestly organize all my personal thoughts and data I've collected throughout the years in a proper go-through-able format.
This reminds me: Push; push hard for a laptop and Wi-Fi annnd a leetle Google Nexus 7!
5.    Piece of advice: Get words gal...Which means improve your vocabulary in a hip way!
Word to check: Genuflect... (Means bend a knee btw)
Cheerio!


N.B.
About Actions and Speeches-to-Self, they'll be in italics.
About cuss words, I'll star(*) them(like in tabloids), though I don’t know many...and here I go, I'm saying it,.........sex...(There, I said it!)is also going to be starred because I want my entries to be Universal(as in Film Certification 'U'!). (Might sound crazy, but you never know who's going to be reading it.)


A few after-thoughts:
6.    I will not chase after thoughts in an obsessive manner.
Piece of advice: you’ll have a million beautiful thoughts trust me, not all need to be recorded.
And as far as writing diseases go,
You may have Writer's Overflow! (It rhymes!)
For in the flood, the gems are few,
Be still and let them come to you!
(There, you have verse, ta da!
I'm good at this re! {Back pat, self esteem surge})
7.    I occasionally might shift to a second person or third person (Don’t know when THAT will happen, but happen it might) don’t get worried, I'm talking about myself.
8.     I will not compromise for Quality(Nope,I don't work in Quality Control!) So the following scene isn't allowed:
ME:I did this today.
IN MY HEAD: This is getting boring re...At least for the reader.
ME: What??
IN MY HEAD: Oh, Nothing at all. You go on...You’re the one who’s going to read it and it’s about you anyway so you won’t get bored...
ME: Right. Don’t mention that again...


Wrong!
You’re going to read it...its true...but you’ll get bored as well. Reading minutiae about anybody’s daily happenings can bore anybody and especially that person since she already knows all of it (Unlike some readers who might not!)
See??
Hope you said sí! (Spanish for Yes if you didn't know and that was a very geeky PJ of mine for the un-introduced or uninitiated. Get worried, there’s going to be more!)
Tata!