Sunday, 30 September 2012

Railway Child Reloaded

This blog is the fruit of a request made by my brother (which is a surprisingly weird occurrence in itself!)
So this entry is dedicated to him...

First off, this entry has nothing in common with the book from which the title is derived other than the fact that there are three children in here(Me, my brother and sister) and they too have a lot of fun & thanks to E. Nesbitt for the title of course.
I wanted to write about a typical Bombay train journey but the title makes me think about the longer Kerala trips (which are fun as well)
So Im going to write a mish-mash of both. (Pray it turns out well since Im running low on inspiration.)
O.k., so here goes...
{Train whistle}

Bombay (Yes, I dont use the name Mumbai since I am totally against the vernacularization (Not sure its a word!) of perfectly good English names) trains:
The first time I travelled alone would be sometime in the first year of my Diploma to Borivali...Manus whim and Id have done anything for that trip. To make this blog interesting, Ill make a list!

The Biggest fears when youre on a local:
1.    It will be crowded and you'll get pushed off it or flipside: That youll get pushed in so bad, you cant come out!
2.    It will be filled with fisherwomen sitting on the footboards, who yell curses at you when you lean over them to get a grip somewhere, then abuse your height, and (If theyre badly pissed off,) your family.
3.    You'll doze off and miss your station.
4.     If youre running late, it'll get jammed somewhere in the unknown forever.
5.    Your pocket will get picked or youll drop your belongings or even your baby (Im cruelly paranoid I know!) when you're jammed in the throng of bodies.

Some Ewwy and irritating things to happen on a local:
6.    To be stuck beside a sweating (Its natural yes, even I sweat but there is something called deodorant) and irritating fat Guajarati lady who keeps pushing her cleavage on you and makes you wet and stinky.
7.    To have people yell age jao, age jao at you when youre stuck with no scope of limbic movement at all and your station is fast approaching.
8.    To have people tug at your bag's strap, hair, arms or anywhere else to move you or just get your attention(Come on, just standing there is painful enough, why make it worse??)
9.     For a kid: Its awful when adults push you down when its already hard to see you and then you have to crawl your way between peoples legs like a little bug which makes them look at you like you definitely are a bug!
10. And if youre a peace loving person like me...youll hate the shouting (Ill say men are better in this matter) and also eunuchs, (Known colloquially as ‘chukkas) saying Baba, paisa do and blessing you (Thankfully, being a girl assures you that they dont pay much attention to you) and the fact that you tower above everybody else in the coach doesn't help.
11. Travelling during the rains is a horrific experience with all the squelchy mud, wet clothes, vermin and mosquitoes.

Kerala trains:
I have around 4-5 trips worth of experience for here goes!

Biggest fears on a long-distance chuk-chuk gaadi:
12.  The TC will come around before the station we have the ticket from arrives.
13. We'll fall from the top berths while sleeping(I had a phobia of some guy touching me when Im sleeping on the top berth where my parents cant see me(& btw I have no abused past if you started thinking it.)
14.  Some person (Even a sibling) who actually has the window seat will claim the seat in the morning before you get to it.
Or a drunkard will be sprawled over your berth when you board the train & youll have to stand around while people try to get him off and leaves finally but not before retching on the seat.
15.  The toilets wont have a mug or will be this perpetually stinky bog and there will be scary abuse(Or a pimp's phone number) written on the doors and there will be paan-stains, sanitary napkin papers and even body fluids in the toilet when you have to go.
16. That ticketless waifs (I was one on a trip but got a seat due to strangers kindness) will come and sleep between or even under your berths and scare you out of your wits when you step on them by mistake & then you take pity on them and share your seat and food and your mother goes all charity and begins giving them 100 buck notes which they spend on drinking and loot you when you get all familiar (Paranoid I know, but it has happened).

Things you look forward to or hope for on a long-distance:
17.  The coach will have rubber handles, and magazine holders and charger plugs and no table, rusty handles or torn seats or yucky fixations and good toilets.
18.  Good people in the adjacent seats and at least one person of interest to stare at throughout the trip. (Girls fine but Boys better because you can spin stories by just observing them!)
19. Awake parents with plenty of money to spend on books, CDs and snacks...and a wonderful aunt to get you yummy stuff at Panvel!
20. This is something I wish for real bad but hasnt happened yet: A friend on the journey with me....some of my college besties or Roy or any guy (Cant think of any other guy Id want to go with right now, Roy should be honoured, but Hed probably say no and Id spend the time fuming and secretly enjoying it....because he wont have anywhere to escape my hard-hitting questions!
Diverging...beep beep)
I apologize for that.

Yes, so thats my train monologue. Hope you liked it.

 Train Song by Vashti Bunyan is, I think, the perfect accompaniment to this entry!

Monday, 24 September 2012

A Brief History of Me

(Though it’s not exactly history, it’s my geography , chemistry(Giggle!) and my physics rolled into one (Not very girly am I??!).What to say, the title looked good & felt good so here goes...)
(Btw thank you Stephen Hawking for letting me borrow your book-title though I'm not a fan of your work)

I had to find a cool new original way of introducing myself after all the talented people out there have dhapofied (That’s Hindi for filched...I know it’s not the best word, but make do) all the coolest ways I could think of....

This is what popped into my mind...
So here we go....

I don’t have a s**y stomach nor do I have a kick-ass butt (Pun intended),
And when I sleep I'm no elegant queen; I drool, and blabber and roll all over the bed

I'm guilty of wearing crotch-torn leggings to camps and meetings;
I'm guilty too sometimes of burping and farting aloud (Though of course I try to hide these things)

My legs and arms are un-waxed and stained. Pure and pristine in their God-given naturalness!
And some days (Very rarely for good girlness’s sake!), I’m a lazy pig and prefer staying unwashed and become a stinking, sweaty mess.

You might think I’m disgusting already but there’s more, I’m sad to say,
All this was on my exterior, But wait and see how I am after I introspect, my dear...

I’m guilty of being a hypocrite and narcissistic girl,
And a person who's sometimes insensitive and many times in a whirl.

I’m a terrible sister to my siblings; I feel they’d be better off without me
I can’t even make tea and once dropped a baby, honestly. I’m worried about the mother I’ll be...

I spend it when I have it so sometimes I have to beg for a penny.
And I have an awful laugh when I think that something is funny

I'm selfish, sometimes uncompassionate and always thinking of ME, spite of all these shortcomings I am good in some ways as you’ll see...

Umm...let’s see now...oh yes!

I genuinely love people and am not afraid to show it (Except when daddy's around and guys are the concerned people !)
 I'm kind and helpful most of the time,
And help mamma anyway I can (When I feel like it) Even if it’s only squeezing a lime!

That was a horrible rhyming ploy but I must go on...

I'm innocent (O.k., that was sometime before!!) and understanding and will pay attention carefully to whatever you say,
So that makes me a good listener and I’ll try to fulfil a request come what may.

I'm not miserly and don’t worry about how I spend my money,
And if someone forgot something, I'm quick to forgive and say, "It's ok, there’s always next time, honey…"

 I'm smart but I don’t show off (Sometimes but I do try to be modest about it!)
And my patience is so great I’ll listen to people even if it’s a lot of s**t!

And above all, I'm willing to improve myself,
 I'm not some pompous self- satisfied elf.

All my awful shortcomings I've laid bare here,
Hoping that I’ll improve myself after repenting in the future near!

So that’s what I'm hoping to accomplish with this blog,
And in spite of the crazy rhyming fetish and things, I'm hoping you’ll stay with me and not think me a terrible slob... :-)

Hope you liked it.And do let me know if you did!

N.B. Those of you wandering how this entry was written on 24/9/2012 when I started this blog on 30/10/2012;
I actually 'wrote' this entry on the previous date so decided to maintain the originality...that's all!

Distinguish Between the Terms Bathroom, Washroom & Restroom

Bathroom - What the toilet plus bath area, at home or in any home, mostly is called.
For me the term bathroom conjures up an image of a bathtub and sweet smelling soap so it is justified in being called bathroom I feel.

Restroom - What the place mentioned above is called in malls, Mc Donalds, posh colleges or anywhere where there are hoity-toity, size-zero, elbow-bag-clutching people around...
This term I think is justified when it refers to the place where Mia took a break(In the eighth part of The Princess Diaries, after Michael broke THE news) & Not otherwise...I think I can justify calling it the dust and paint room in malls because thats what its used for!(Except all the dusting and painting is on bodies not on walls!)

Washroom - What the loo is called in college...That is the only place I've heard this term used so far other than camp.
The place is rather justified in being called washroom (Read: wounds & periods...dont eww me!)But the loo in college stinks so bad it should be called the piss, puke and poop room (Courtesy Aprils blog!)

O.k., thats it for my potty blog...I'm not a grand fan of toilet humour but I think I should write another monologue on it! (Idea from the YA! newspaper)
At the rate I'm writing, Ill probably end up having a dictionary sized book before my diploma ends, all on my ranting and ravings!
Cool huh...and to think I wasted so many years!
I'm going to have to edit out this paragraph when I organise this stuff...Too much of the old boring spirit in it...anyhoo, tata!

Idea for a new blog:
1. Difference between a plait and braid.
2. Why aren't feminists very feminine?

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Blog Versus Diary

I've been thinking of various beginnings to this entry though I should be continuing the previous one (My head feels a little scratchy (Not lice, chhi chhi!)...Oh I wish I had shampooed...dont feel like I've had a bath without having shampooed and everything. Anybody there like that??)

Now for the article. Id make two columns if I couldAnd whenever I say 'you' below, I'm talking to myself. So dear reader do bear with all the psycho-sounding talk and off we go!

Blog: Ill have an adoring audience and something to speak of if anyone asks what my 'Internet Presence' is, being a Software Engineer and all (Okay I accept that last part was plain bragging;
...and I'll remedy that by saying Im not even passionate about it. Happy?? ;
But that doesn't mean Im not interested in it. Ha-ha! Gotcha. )

Diary: Ill not be able to be myself...Internet Etiquette and Censorship and things and unless a girl writes about what she feels like, whats the point anyway?
Plus my ideas of Politeness and Censorship mean more than a normal person's would.(Which shouldnt be the case considering that Ive read and understand way more than they do and am more feminist and modern than most folks I know...Please note: Not bragging here...youd be surprised at the stupidity of people these days)

Blog: Itll make me feel Im writing for something and my writing quality will increase along with my self-esteem.

Diary: You feel obligated to the audience for the next blog, a diary is personal and you write for yourself...
Con here: You keep procrastinating (Im fascinated about this word's spelling, aren't you?)...and will have to wait for creative writing school to write again in a proper way.

Blog: Its a big step and youll have to wait for people to start reading it (Which might not happen at all, since all the readership has shifted to Facebook and Twitter and the lot of them...and youre no well established author a la eM (I'm remembering that part from Etiquette For Dummies, Unless youre a celeb or well established author, dont dress in casuals to the academy awards or anything similar!))

Diary: You can start when you want which you already have and needn't worry about readership and hits and all that(And generally behave in that stupid, shameless, blatant popularity-seeking way which even adults do(Read Facebook friends)...I'm sad to say(And while I'm being all high-and-holy, let me say this: Id probably be doing the same were it not for my dad-in-armour who saved me from the clutches of the Facebook beast by slaughtering all the possibilities of me ever having an Facebook account with the keep-the-family-name-high lectures(Smart daddy, highly ego boosting exercise so we keep ourselves in check like reverse psychology) and the no-net-at-home policy...))

So finally, who is going to win?

Taking into account all the previous raving we had I now announce that...
(I wanted this to be a court style ruling to please John Grisham but...never mind)

Both are winners!
{Yay...clap clap...}

Both because I'll be writing for myself...but with quality, always making things interesting for the reader and never being boring (Pretty impressive considering that this was the girl who in the past spent a lot of her time crying because Leslie called her pakav and generally thinking that she wasn't going to be liked by anyone in the world and would die a spinster...Ok, I do have scary déjà vus like that even now...)
And using a blog style in general.

Academy award-ishtlye Thank-you speech:

I would like to thank The Compulsive Confessor for being the biggest inspiration behind this bd (I.e., blogdiary)idea, totally indebted to all who are around me(Thats my parents, friends, loved ones)for being the ones who had and still have to bear the sweet pain(Heyy...thats the word used to describe s**) and headache of having me around and making me who I am, and The Lord(Lord, I dont know if this sounds super superficial but somewhere deep inside me theres this genuine feeling of knowing that you are everything and I might not be able to reflect your awesomeness here but I mean it, I really do) for being there!
{Cheer clap clap...cut to shots of people with tear filled eyes...enter babbling SugarInc. Anchor babbling away about my speech and how great my blog is}...sigh.


Thats how the entries are going to be...
Entertaining, introspective and funny. (With my typical brand of humour, to appreciate which youd have to be me! See, Im a funny girl no? )
Anyhoo then (Word courtesy eM)
Gotta fly! (Courtesy Barbie In A Fairy Secret!)
Add to Dictionary: eM stands for Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan of  Compulsive Confessions (it sounds great when you say it loud!)

In Retrospect:
This entry has too many parentheses (or too many parenthetical sentences (From the RD Thesaurus))..

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Ab Initio...

    Ab Initio means from the beginning btw (From the bearded man's Wren-and-Martin).
    Heres to new beginnings!
    Oh how I love new things...
    New books (The smell of new paper...mmm),
    New toiletries (Dry soaps especially...Am I the only one or does anyone else feel that dry soaps make you happy??(With a clean toilet, of course!)),
    New clothes (Need I say anything?),
    New friends (That excited feeling when you see them the second time!),
    New homes (Not when youre rudely plucked away, but when its a premeditated,yearned and earned-for kind of place.),
    New Years (I mean birthdays not drunk New Year parties.),
    New weddings...I mean wedding (Though other's weddings are pretty interesting too!).I'm not exactly looking forward to this one...though I am curious...of spite of the I'm not ever getting married rants (Tch tch youre just 17 gal)!

    I've decided I'm going to write from now...Whenever I feel like it and Not suppress myself any longer {Raise the flag...Dan Te Nan}

    Few things I'm going to keep in mind;
    1.     I will be genuine, i.e., I will write for myself and not for anyone else (That means I can gossip and rant about people but will put in a 'dear diary' heading for those entries)
    2.     I will not write for the heck of writing (That means no indebted or obligated or have-to-do as opposed to want-to-do feelings)...But I'm allowed to write to an imaginary audience though.
    3.     Not a rule but I will include any funny joke or incident which is write-and- read worthy...references to inspirations will be given.
    4.    And when I get the time I will honestly organize all my personal thoughts and data I've collected throughout the years in a proper go-through-able format.
    This reminds me: Push; push hard for a laptop and Wi-Fi annnd a leetle Google Nexus 7!
    5.    Piece of advice: Get words gal...Which means improve your vocabulary in a hip way!
    Word to check: Genuflect... (Means bend a knee btw)

    About Actions and Speeches-to-Self, they'll be in italics.
    About cuss words, I'll star(*) them(like in tabloids), though I dont know many...and here I go, I'm saying it,, I said it!)is also going to be starred because I want my entries to be Universal(as in Film Certification 'U'!). (Might sound crazy, but you never know who's going to be reading it.)

    A few after-thoughts:
    6.    I will not chase after thoughts in an obsessive manner.
    Piece of advice: youll have a million beautiful thoughts trust me, not all need to be recorded.
    And as far as writing diseases go,
    You may have Writer's Overflow! (It rhymes!)
    For in the flood, the gems are few,
    Be still and let them come to you!
    (There, you have verse, ta da!
    I'm good at this re! {Back pat, self esteem surge})
    7.    I occasionally might shift to a second person or third person (Dont know when THAT will happen, but happen it might) dont get worried, I'm talking about myself.
    8.     I will not compromise for Quality(Nope,I don't work in Quality Control!) So the following scene isn't allowed:
    ME:I did this today.
    IN MY HEAD: This is getting boring re...At least for the reader.
    ME: What??
    IN MY HEAD: Oh, Nothing at all. You go on...Youre the one whos going to read it and its about you anyway so you wont get bored...
    ME: Right. Dont mention that again...

    Youre going to read it...its true...but youll get bored as well. Reading minutiae about anybodys daily happenings can bore anybody and especially that person since she already knows all of it (Unlike some readers who might not!)
    Hope you said sí! (Spanish for Yes if you didn't know and that was a very geeky PJ of mine for the un-introduced or uninitiated. Get worried, theres going to be more!)