Tuesday, 31 December 2013

What 2013 Taught Me





So I've been AWOL for a while.And while haven't been doing any actual blogging,I have definitely been talking about it...'tis one of the only impressive-sounding things in a  thoroughly-average, lazy bookworm's life.Makes people think you're into web-design and things when in fact,your Diploma in Engineering is worth exactly puddlenuts.  

Anyway, 2013 has been a fun ride and this is what I've learnt!

Trying to learn integration and differentiation in one night is bad idea.Might as well not bother studying at all.

A blog is probably one of the only things you can boast about, that won't embarrass you.Until someone actually reads it.

Don't begin watching The Big Bang Theory unless you intend to finish the series.And the bloopers,and  the filming episodes and the Comic Con panels.That said, everyone should watch it.Give up your Christmas break.You won't be sorry.This.


SpongeBob I can't wait!
Yep.Arms and all.

If you live in India and speak English you should join Teach India.People who actually want your advice about their English,free food during training at a fancy hotel, and a British Council certificate.
What more does a persnickety convent-school grammar-granny want?!

Using ghee when one runs out of butter to make chocolate is a bad idea.Unless you don't mind chocolate-flavored mysore pak. Blech. And I still ate it.


Chocolate cake mountain.Who wouldn't?!
That's what I felt like.Till I remembered that I made it myself.

Don't ever step out of the house with friends thinking its only till the shop downstairs to say bye.It never is.always dress like people are watching you. That's how one ends up at the railway station in a brown nightdress and fishbone-flipflops with a deranged grin on one's face.
Also,Don't wear (unintentionally) torn-jeans thinking no one will notice.They do.

Google Keep is a bad idea.So is Google+.The first because, you will probably end up losing all those hard-to-come-by smart aleck replies you think of after arguments and the second because all your imaginary stalkers need only type in your name in Google to see your grinning face.That said,all hail Mother Google.
Seriously,Do not use Google Keep.Not unless you want to end up like this:


No cat
Thus proved.Cats are always cute.Unlike human beings like yours truly.

YouTube is fun.A lot of fun.



Click clickety click
Yes.



Stuff I'm looking forward to:

Buzzfeed India
Hai rabba!
IKR?!

Posting on a schedule is going to get difficult(*snort snort*)so I'm thinking of joining Twitter, The Twitteress anyone?!
140-character prospects! 

I've decided a twice-a-month schedule and thinking of joining IndiBlogger...I could use some peer-pressure.
And maybe a blog-makeover.The possibilities are endless!


Wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy!
Exactly.

And I hope you have a fantastic New Year!

Sheldon



Sunday, 19 May 2013

The Girl With No Fingerprints



Beginning a long due blog-post with an apology is so clichéd now,I might as well tell you why it is easier to excuse oneself from one's writer-ly obligations and read sappy romance novels occasionally stopping to make more lassi because IT IS TOO HOT for anything else…and because learning Spanish from Spanish for Dummies, as I found out, is only for those dummies who have also read Memorizing for Dummies.


18 GIFs That Are Lazier Than You
That's me during the vacations.Minus the ice.

And learning to play Happy Birthday with a studio-grade piano with options enough to take one to Mars ain't so much fun either. And now, according the government I have no fingerprints.

Based on a true story.

The Aadhar Card.Supposedly the One card to rule them all.Which doesn't exactly translate well for us citizens.

Anyway,being the law-abiding,government-respecting(cough cough) citizen I am,I did go.Ration card and smudged college-ID in hand along with Dad and sister-dearest.

Step 1.Fill in form with personal details.
Step 2.Scan fingerprints.
Step 3.Retina scanning(and boy,do eyes look ugly when all blown up on a computer screen.)
Step 4. Check whether the clerk got all your details right and that you haven’t gone from being Lalit to Lolita and other assorted mistakes only Indian clerks make.
Step 5. Get a receipt and WAIT. Till the day the Great Indian Bureaucracy decides you deserve your Aadhar card.

See? Easy as pie…only,not for me. Nope.
Because yours truly fails the one step no normal human being would ever fail. The fingerprints.
No matter how hard I’d push down on that fingerprint scanner,all I’d see was ‘Data not enough’.You’d think a 95-kilo dad holding your hand down would be enough to pop the fingerprints out of a rock but no sirree.
And then the clerk girl asks us to come back after 25 days when my fingerprints grow back and to Vaseline-ise myself till then.

40 GIFs That Say NO - Image 29
Methinks not.
Really woman??You think what hasn't grown in 18 years is going to pop up in 25 days for fear of not getting an Aadhar card?? And yeah, Vaseline is my middle name(dry skin issues...don’t ask).Pooh Pooh to you.

But in all fairness blaming everything on the machine and the girl isn't very…fair. Not their fault…maybe the I'm-an-alien-princess theory does have something to it after all.

Bow all ye scum to Princess Zelda of Planet Xanadu in the 13th Galaxy!


Heck yeah.

But come on government,you could at least TRY to help us poor aliens attempting to adapt ourselves to your world...take some lessons from those Men in Black movies…a little alien embassy so we get more of our kind and a coupla hot agents to chase us. Watcha gonna lose??

Yours truly,
Disappointed alien princess…Still waiting for her Aadhar card.

And as you can see the summer hasn't been doing much for my sanity but it is good to be back and blogging and stalking all you good people of the Internet, barring the wicked pervies who spam my blog… I'm watching you.



Thursday, 14 February 2013

Welcome to the 1st Occasional Blog Awards!


It’s that time of the year when Love is (supposedly) in the air folks!
Although I don’t see any cute, naked, Greek babies floating anywhere in my vicinity and no part of my cerebrum has turned to gooey mush or anything, this year I do have something to be especially happy about and say I love you to.
YOU!
I just got Liebstered!
image

And twice at that!

And this is what I'm supposedly supposed to do:
1.     Give 10 random facts about myself.
2.     Answer the questions given to me by my wonderful nominators.
3.     Nominate 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers.
4.     Write 11 questions for them to answer.

The lovely Momina and The Unicorn Lady have both tagged me for my very first shiny badge....of bloggy honour and pride and shtuff.

image
That's for you girls!

And a leetle controversy too.
Blog awards are nice and all but just passing them on kinda makes them like some mass forward SMS...If you’re in the right circles you get one and if you’re not, I'm sorry...*sad no*...which doesn't seem very fair.
But as long as we take them not as indicators of skill or anything and just as a fun way to ask crazy questions and get away with it....and an excuse to delay a post!
Viola!

A Reaction GIF For Everything Halloween

First, the random facts:
  1. I successfully predicted the headlines for the day Michael Jackson died.
  2. I'm very obvious.And I tend to exaggerate.
  3. It's raining for the very first time this year as I type this!
  4. I palm-sweat. A lot.
  5. I read in the shower.Sometimes.
  6. Barf-fact: I saw a dead rat with its innards lying on the road today.
  7. If I could pick a celebrity to turn into it'd be Jennifer Lopez(when I'm on an I'm-FAAAT streak only).
  8. I can’t remember what I look like at times.
  9. I think I’ll make a terrible wife.Or employee.Or anyone who can be called a responsible adult really.
  10. I'm prone to unexplainable stupidity.

    Second, the Questions. Instead of the usual 11,I have 22 questions...noffair!
    Still...

    Momina's set: 

    1. Who is the last person you usually think about before going to sleep?
    *Narcissistic smirk* That'd be myself. Saying sorry to God for all the dumb things I did that day. Or sometimes it's about whom I've been reading.

    2. Something you do alone, but wouldn't do in front of others.
    Dance. Like this:
    A Reaction GIF For Everything Halloween
    Oh yes.

    3. Do you have any strange phobias?
    Not especially. I hate touching garbage bins. No, not even to change the bag.

    4. One Favourite Novel that you'd like to recommend people to read and why.
    The hard one! It keeps changing.
    Currently, I'm all Gillian Flynn. And Jenny Lawson. Because they're brilliant.
    Oh yes, C.S. Lewis...all time favourite. And Roald Dahl too.

    5. Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? :P
    Nope. I’d take the stationery though!;)

    6. Do you use Post-Its?
    Nope. I collect them! All in pretty,different-coloured bunches.

    7. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
    I'm in a contented-bubble right now, so I’d say where I am now .Otherwise it would be Bhutan. Or Africa. Or France.

    8. What inspires you?
    Walking. I just realised it, I get all my ideas when I'm walking some-place.
    And observing other people.

    9. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
    NEVER. I'm terrified of heights. I'm even sacred of going on a kid-sized slide.

    30 Funny Daily Life Reaction Gifs For When...
    Me at Water Kingdom!

    10. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
    Nope. I'm too busy observing the hippy guy across the road.

    11. Have you ever danced without music?
    I suppose I have waved my arms around remembering the strains of some song I remember.

    By The Unicorn Lady:

    1. If you could change your name, what would it be?
    Depends on whether I wanted to be a pirate or a Na'vi at that moment! But otherwise I like names that begin with a K or an A and have an L somewhere...stupid answer. Something like Keyla...or something. Naah.

    2. Name the one thing/person that you love above all things or people.

    A Reaction GIF For Everything Halloween
    Nope.

    3.What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say 'love'?

    Absolutely!



    4. Your favourite band.
    Keeps changing.I like old stuff. Indian Ocean, Bombay Vikings, Blue are some I'm remembering now.

    5. Who's your superhero?


    15 Gifs To Share With Your Friend That's Having A Rough Day
    This guy.He died trying.


    6. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?
    Lucky. Though I don’t believe in luck being what gets people anywhere.

    7. Describe yourself in three lines.
     I'm too many things all at once.And sometimes I'm naught. Either way I live!

    8. Something/Someone that changed your life.
     Growing up!

    9. Describe the love of your life. Even if he/she doesn't exist.
    I really like this quote from the Three Musketeers:
    The best thing about an imaginary opponent is that he is highly skilled, yet easily defeated.
    Kinda like that.
    Who am I kidding. I'm a Princess...I want Prince Charming. With a Mallu sense of humour.
    On a second note,maybe I don't.Not a Prince Charming.

    10. Why do you stare into emptiness, when you do?
    Because I'm thinking.Or writing a post about whoever is sitting opposite me!

    12. What are you made for?
    To edify.Though I wish I adhered to it more.


    The people I'm tagging:
    I've tried to do this nicely and it was difficult. Really difficult. I'd have liked to pick everyone in my reading list and I've tried picking those people who don't seem to have a Liebster as yet and whose blogs I immensely love!

    BrownGirlBloggin - ROFL ROFL crazy.Where being brown isn't a bad thing!
    DWei - Calls himself a Derp. So derpiness is a good thing!
    Ghadeer - Original.Crazy.Writer.Love!
    Ginger - Journalistic.Tongue-in-cheek funny.She reminds me why I love the Irish so!
    icyHighs - A vast vocabulary if well-used(with a shot of that sly humour) can lead to absolute infatuation with his blog! That's what I learnt. And he just released a book.About time I'd say.
    Laila N Mysis - She's got the fun-nest family I've seen on a blog. And I love how she thinks.And writes!
    Stutee - Repeat from before. Bold. Badass. Bindass!
    Tangled Tofu - I'm going to see her on my bookshelf  one day.I know.:)
    TayTay - Sensational.And she lives in South Africa.What more do ya need?!
    The Narcissist Narcissism is definitely good when it's this funny!
    Zeba - How could I not?!Her writing is something I'd back-up if there were an Internet apocalypse.


    Answer me!
    I think some of you don't do the whole blog-awards thingamajig.If so,you're allowed to answer in the comments.
    1. Sweatpants or jeans?
    2. Your reaction when you get caught in the rain without an umbrella.
    3. The phone's ringing, someone just rang the doorbell, the baby is crying and the tap is overflowing. In which order would you tackle these?
    4. Something you absolutely cannot bear and something you love in a person.
    5. Coolest job ever according to you?
    6. One thing on your bucket list.
    7. Pirates or ninjas? Why?
    8. Current ear-worm or stuck-in-my-head song.
    9. How many kids(if any) do you want to have?
    10.Is Pluto a planet according to you?
    11.What would you rather be doing now?

    Yeah and before I forget, Happy Valentine's Day to all of you celebrating it and if you're not… 

    That's for you Mark!
    Keep smiling!:)

    P.S. I just realised I haven't done anything about the badge that all of you I tagged are to get.
    Thing is: I don't know.
    Experienced bloggers...HALP!!!
    I don't plan to hang my award anywhere on my blog but for those of you who are, go select one from here.Have fun.
    And DISCLAIMER: All credit to Google.
    Yeah Google, I've linked you right there.No lawsuits kay.