It's a Blog's Life!

I've been thinking of writing this post for some time and I finally cranked it out in a not very inspired mood. But let us go on!

There was this question in my Computer Security paper last semester:

Describe the life cycle of a virus

Never mind that I probably am going to score a zero on that answer (I faintly remember writing something about virus babies) but I decided to write that answer in relation to something I love (as opposed to an evil virus)...my blog!

That coupled with another new fascination. GIFs. These tiny little moving pictures manage to say what authors attempt to express in several paragraphs(sometimes several pages!) and they might be bad for writing but I lurve them!

The Life-Cycle of a Blog

Phase 1:

INCEPTION

Where you first fall in love (and envy) with someone else's blog!

Elder brother, sister, chacha, mama, favourite author, anyone.

The freedom, the creativity, the virtual popularity it presents...unmatched!

A lot of blogs are born out of the oh-that’s-so-cute-I-want-that-too thought when we first see a blog. All of us have that inspiration story.

It starts for some (like me) as a spot to collect all the writery drivel we write and hopefully not have people ridicule the stuff, for some a popularity game to flaunt on Facebook(I’ve heard it helps if you have a sexy mugshot as your profile picture!),for some to use as a journal(but FB ruined all that!) or whatever.

Me, when I first saw eM’s blog.

Phase 2:

DEFLATION

This is the place where all the elation from Phase One plummets (busted balloon style...with the high pitched wailing) when your little baby isn't considered all that great in big cruel outside world.

Secretly whispering 'I just got my own blog' to friends (no family because...'course not!) doesn't elicit more than a 'Really?' from close friends and a 'Yep it’s cool. You did this yourself?' after they have a look.

No wonder cats are cool!

Phase 3.

PROPAGATION

Where you pull yourself out of the I-just-made-a-blog-and-no-one-gives-a-s**t-about-it haze and chalk out an active plan to get that stat-graph and GoogleFriendConnect box filling.

So you go on a blog-finding spree and end up finding some awesome writing in the process. You contemplate obliterating the pathetic excuse of a blog you've created after your self-esteem takes a serious beating after reading all the gorgeous goods which much more talented people have online.

And you read and read and keep reading and comment and stalk and one day, you get comments of your own too...you join this little virtual world of crazy misfits, non-popular geniuses and generally awesome people you always wished you’d meet one day!

Me,when I get a comment...or a compliment.

From here the story can go two ways,

ONE.

Stuff goes exactly the way you wanted it to.

Your blog grows, and grows and grows and reaches dizzying heights of blog-success and popularity, till you reach that point in time when you talk to *awesomekitty* from Timbuktu and pat-the-lad from Tennessee more than you talk to your real-life boyfriend/girlfriend and you sometimes get these wide-eyed stares when you describe that crazy-ass long comment thread on sparklysam that went on forever over dinner with your family...

Then they decide to pack you off to a far flung college with no outside connect except a phone in the principal’s office so that you stop all this blog-shog nonsense and begin passing in some subjects.

OR less dramatically, you get busy with life. With studies. Or a job. Or a new girlfriend/boyfriend(this is a little unlikely because I've seen that getting yourself a partner only sharpens the need to spill your guts to the public...not generalising of course).Or you get married. Or basically life happens.

Or you die.

End of blog.

Something like this:

                 

TWO.

Stuff doesn't go the way you planned.

You tank. You go bust. You’re defeated by the evil blog-monsters. Your self-esteem goes to the dogs. You spill tears over the blog-audience you never had. You decide to go back to more quaint methods of expressing yourself...the good ole diary, or more probably #Facebook, #Instagram or #Twitter.

What??You're telling me I can’t make hashtags on my blog?!

You never come back.And you feel something like this:

Phase 4.

DECLINE

The fate of all blogs.

I wish it weren't.

Just like the two cases above.

But the world calls with jobs and spouses and more lucrative and Boring but Necessary Things to do.

And the loser is the blog...the place that got you through many a hard day with all the happiness, goodness and encouragement.

When I stop being so jumpy, when I go from crazy teen to mommy-ish...do I graduate to a group of mom-and-babe blogs or techie blogs or something?

I need answers.

But then there's always...THE COMEBACK!!

All my plans to produce better writing simply aren't working. Call it writer’s block. Or the balderdash of an untalented uninspired writer...I simply don’t write stuff I’d be proud to call my own. Like what Zeba writes. This girl is the cause of many a bout if self-writing-loathing and swooning over how beautiful words can be. You’re missing something big if you haven’t read her. Go fall in love!

And my signing-out song.

May It Be by Enya. You've heard it in Lord of the Rings. And if you've been wondering who sang it, like me, I bring it to you!

P.S. I meant this post to be a funnier and more LOL-worthy post than the drivel you had to read through but after this sudden spate of comments on my blog and the virtual popularity(and the non-virtual bloated head), the truth is my noggin plain ain't working.

But as a present for you who laboured through that post, here’s something that’s REALLY funny. Ladies and Gentlemen, Presenting,

Achmed the Dead Terrorist!

Stay sane!