How I Tried To Increase My Blog Readership And Other Stories

Today is the three-day birthday of my blog...and I'm finally on Google search!!

Which means my blog turns up in the very first page (not necessarily on top) if you google ‘the thinkeress blogger’!

I'm so happy that one of the things I set out to do has been accomplished! (I know. I'm crazy)

And as a gift, everybody gets these awesome links to go to!

1.       All you writer people will love this!

2.       ROFL LOL ROFL LOL...(play in loop)

3.       Harry Potter parody!(You guys have got to read this!)

(The last is from an ancient eM blog)

I love the people who've been reading my blogs anonymously...even though the commenting rate is pitifully low, I do have quite a few page views which must count for something(I'm hoping it does after a lot of convincing myself that the people are not casual blog hoppers who don’t read) so thank you dears whoever you are!

However hard I try to delude myself into thinking that I'm a wonderful writer whose work will automatically be recognized (don’t we all) and appreciated, it’s finally 'Welcome to the real world baby’. So:

These are some of the things I've been doing to increase my blog readership:

1.       Changing my location, interests, favourite books and music...to no avail but I ended up finding some cool bloggers in the process. Check them out.

Stu(Art)

Sulky Tofu Girl

2.       Tried altering my HTML code to include a title and tried adding a Meta tag...something I was suggested to do by Google Webmaster. Results: Nothing. Zilch. Nada. (Do not attempt to do that (read: mess with Meta stuff...you could be ignored by Google altogether which is a very BAD thing.))

3.       Tried to change my blog's look. I read that the way your site looks is important too(First impression=Best impression after all).So started another browsing session for Blogger templates...found something I like(this one)and had another long research session on how to put it on(what’s the geek term for it again?...forgot.),and when I did, it turned out be completely pakav (you need code to change anything in it, no easy-peasy menus).So stick to your Google templates and try altering it little by little. Shabby blogs is good for that stuff (credit to Bumtrinket for the discovery).

Note: Blog-designing, HTML-writing smarties might beg to differ on this point and you might be right. I absolutely detest writing code, at least when I'm writing for relaxation and there’s enough coding done at/in college.

4.       Bombarding Google Search with my blog name...at first, you’d get my blog only if you typed in the URL, which was totally depressing.

That over, I now have to find some way to overcome the stupid copper company’s website that made a Thinkeress statue(and it is nude). Really now.

Other things I'm doing which will probably work but require a lot of patience:

1.       Blog surfing, reading other blogs and commenting hoping someone will notice me. To all you dearies who have come here after reading a comment: You needn't feel cheated. I read your blogs and comment because I really and truly love them and would have read you even if didn't have a Blogger account (but then I wouldn't have discovered you!)

2.       Saying 'Please comment’ after posts:

I tried that but on a regular basis? Nah. I'm excessively egoistic about my only talent and saying ‘Please comment’ will only make me sound grovelly and somewhat degrades the quality of one’s writing, don’t you think?

And saying please to make someone read my writing only seems to make my writing sound like it’s torturous and that I only want comments because they’re some sort of marking system of social acceptance and there’s plenty of that at college and was there at school (and at Facebook which has spawned conversations like these:

 “How many friends do you have?”

“Nah, only a few...around a 1000.”

Unbelievable. And no, I'm not on a single social networking site myself. Honest. And I'm still alive.)

Things I'm contemplating doing:

1.       Add a couple more buttons for easy follow-ship and things (dynamic views is a big pain in the behind when adding stuff to your page.)

2.       Join Google Friendconnect. Since that’s what I found common among all the popular blogs out there.

But I do have an FB like box for my posts...and a Google+ button too.So I'm counting that to be enough. For now. Until the you’re-an-unnoticed-loser-and-going-to-remain-that-way thoughts start again(self esteem issues).I have to brace myself against those or else I’ll end up joining Twitter just to have a Twitter Feed box on my blog(which is not a good thing in itself and would cause a ruckus at home which is a long story. To summarize: Social-networking-is-s**t believing parents and paranoid papa. And college seminars on how it reduces your job chances. And awful college crowd, (the 'are c****a yaha a re' kind.and I so wouldn't want all that on my wall.)

Somehow, this innocent blog party entry has turned into a why-I'm-against social networking blog...time to tune out!

And I'm curious about what you would've done about the pathetically low-readership-situation too (not saying my current readers aren't great of course...sigh...how diplomatically kiss-ass I've become)

So, (To the tune of Cheri Cheri Lady)

Tell me tell me baby

What you’d do in my place

Listen to emotion

Or listen to your pa!

(Who is btw telling me to stop blogging too. Humph)

I'm On Top of The World!

(Yes, I'm a big girl who still watches Barbie and Disney!)

The Metamorphosis

This essay was written in the wake of a sudden flash of inspiration while on the pot (I mean it!); As for calling it ‘essay’, I don’t think this can exactly be called a blog entry and I could think of nothing better than the title of Franz Kafka’s book,(Thank you sir!).

These are some other titles that I thought of:

You’re Small, Keep Quiet: A Kid’s Point of View.

Being Politically Correct in an Adult World. (Sounds like Nathaniel’s book in Enchanted, right?)

On with it...

I turned 18 recently, thus joining the society of ‘adults’. And now, life is very different from the off-handed approach I took to people, friends, activities and life in general when I was a kid, when good things did not come with strings attached, when you could speak your mind without being afraid it would make you look like a crazy loon in the other persons’ eyes. (I empathize with Maurice in Beauty and the Beast.)

Now, everything has become more serious, more important, having an effect on my future (though if it’s anything like now then it’s a seriously bleak and boring prospect).

Everything I do has a motive, a purpose...

Why are you studying? To get a job.

Why get a job? To earn.

Why earn? To have all the material comforts I need and get a well-paid husband.

How will you get him? By being physically, financially, morally (in the eyes of society) and everything-ly perfect.

Now, I have people looking up to me, namely: Kids calling me chechi (elder sister) not by name, shopkeepers calling me madam not baby (that’s lass in Mumbai and is pronounced like be-bi!) and a feeling that the society goddess (the one who keeps everyone’s societal track record and his/her image before other men (and women because I'm feminist, well, sort of)) is always keeping an eye on me, seeing what I'm doing, waiting for me to make a social blunder thus tarnishing my image.

Now, I have to keep up with everyone’s expectations of me. Trade imagination for practicality...I guess that’s why true virtuosos in most arts always shun society, (no excuse to lock yourself away in a darkened room and play maniacal mournful tunes on the piano...note to self!)

It’s because they're unfettered souls, straining against the invisible but strong spider web society has spun to keep in check the minds of people...that does sound lyrical!

Time for a poem...

What I want to do, I cannot do,

Because of what mummy says to me,

Be a good girl now, you've grown up you see.

Now you must learn to cook and preen and knead and dress,

Pick up your stuff and even clean others’ mess,

Because you've grown up you see.

One day, my dear, you'll have to pick your Prince Charming-like husband,

Who'll take you away to his house and give you new in-laws who, you might think treat you like a servant,

There are other things too (which a too R-rated to mention here!).

And you'll have to grin and bear them all....

But through all these experiences remember your God's child and my little baby doll!

But watch me; I'm a free bird,

I'll do what I want to do, go where I want, see what I want to,

And learn things for myself instead of learning them all from aunties who say, ‘Never do!'

I'll be successful one day, I pray,

And be myself all through the way!

Afterthought:

This sounds like the kind of song you’d see in a Disney movie with Julie Andrews as the mother and the typical doe-eyed English beauty playing the daughter. Hee hee. I'm a scriptwriter now!

I miss the clear-cut direct straightforwardness from before (Read: childhood). Now, you never know how a simple act or word of yours will be interpreted. Everything has two (possibly more) meanings.

After the LGBT wave, two girls holding hands is seen, not as a sweet symbol of friendship, but as a sign that those girls might be lesbian. How successfully society has managed to fool us. By deluding man into thinking he's developing (when he is in fact only narrowing his already boxed-in mind), she, (Goddess, remember?), has played us for fools and now instead of getting better as he grows older, man is getting more and more narrow minded and this will go on till the day when he has nowhere to move, a societal straightjacket....

I only hope more people realize this before all goes to ruin.

I've definitely become one of those the-world-is-ending people now!

But I mean what I say. Shouldn't humanity be progressing as the years go by instead of worsening day after day and coming to an end as described in The Bible?

It’s something to think about...

A Brief History of Me

(Though it’s not exactly history, it’s my geography , chemistry(Giggle!) and my physics rolled into one (Not very girly am I??!).What to say, the title looked good & felt good so here goes...)

(Btw thank you Stephen Hawking for letting me borrow your book-title though I'm not a fan of your work)

Onward...

I had to find a cool new original way of introducing myself after all the talented people out there have dhapofied (That’s Hindi for filched...I know it’s not the best word, but make do) all the coolest ways I could think of....

This is what popped into my mind...

So here we go....

I don’t have a s**y stomach nor do I have a kick-ass butt (Pun intended),

And when I sleep I'm no elegant queen; I drool, and blabber and roll all over the bed

I'm guilty of wearing crotch-torn leggings to camps and meetings;

I'm guilty too sometimes of burping and farting aloud (Though of course I try to hide these things)

My legs and arms are un-waxed and stained. Pure and pristine in their God-given naturalness!

And some days (Very rarely for good girlness’s sake!), I’m a lazy pig and prefer staying unwashed and become a stinking, sweaty mess.

You might think I’m disgusting already but there’s more, I’m sad to say,

All this was on my exterior, But wait and see how I am after I introspect, my dear...

I’m guilty of being a hypocrite and narcissistic girl,

And a person who's sometimes insensitive and many times in a whirl.

I’m a terrible sister to my siblings; I feel they’d be better off without me

I can’t even make tea and once dropped a baby, honestly. I’m worried about the mother I’ll be...

I spend it when I have it so sometimes I have to beg for a penny.

And I have an awful laugh when I think that something is funny

I'm selfish, sometimes uncompassionate and always thinking of ME,

But...in spite of all these shortcomings I am good in some ways as you’ll see...

Umm...let’s see now...oh yes!

I genuinely love people and am not afraid to show it (Except when daddy's around and guys are the concerned people !)

 I'm kind and helpful most of the time,

And help mamma anyway I can (When I feel like it) Even if it’s only squeezing a lime!

That was a horrible rhyming ploy but I must go on...

I'm innocent (O.k., that was sometime before!!) and understanding and will pay attention carefully to whatever you say,

So that makes me a good listener and I’ll try to fulfil a request come what may.

I'm not miserly and don’t worry about how I spend my money,

And if someone forgot something, I'm quick to forgive and say, "It's ok, there’s always next time, honey…"

 I'm smart but I don’t show off (Sometimes but I do try to be modest about it!)

And my patience is so great I’ll listen to people even if it’s a lot of s**t!

And above all, I'm willing to improve myself,

 I'm not some pompous self- satisfied elf.

All my awful shortcomings I've laid bare here,

Hoping that I’ll improve myself after repenting in the future near!

So that’s what I'm hoping to accomplish with this blog,

And in spite of the crazy rhyming fetish and things, I'm hoping you’ll stay with me and not think me a terrible slob... :-)

Hope you liked it.And do let me know if you did!

N.B. Those of you wandering how this entry was written on 24/9/2012 when I started this blog on 30/10/2012;
I actually 'wrote' this entry on the previous date so decided to maintain the originality...that's all!
Adieu!