I Hate Love-Stories

(Warning: Contains Spoilers...heck,it's the whole story.Don't tell me I didn't tell you!)

I just saw this movie, Thattathin Marayathu(or Behind the Veil)...Roy gave it to me saying he loved it and I didn't want to hurt him with my cynical singleton views on love(ha!) stories so I watched it.

For those of you who didn't know, I'm South Indian and the movie is in Malayalam (yeah with the loopy writing. Which you’re not going to understand).So here’s the story:

Hindu boy sees Muslim girl. They’re 10 years old. Or some other ridiculously small age to decide who you’re going to marry and talk like you’re an 18 year-old guy. Still, young Vinod decides little Aisha is the girl he’s going to marry. And tells God too.

Repeat after 10 years when he sees Aisha in a hospital after knocking her down some stairs when running during a Muslim friend's wedding. Enter young girl with stencil and secret message writing technique. Sorry Aisha. Aisha smiles. Vinod rapturous. Falling in love.

Manages to get a letter to her. She says nothing. Hero gets warned to leave the girl alone...still, he goes jumping over walls to meet her in the night. She still doesn't say anything. More falling in love. Song.

Enter rival in love. Our hero calls Aisha up to bitch(or whatever you call what guys say about each other) about Mr Rival.

Gets a telling off from a friend and he wants to meet her for the last time.

There she takes his hand, tells him that she doesn't want to be like the countless women she knows who hide their dreams behind a veil forever and hands him a letter. She loves him. He reacts with general Sreesanth-goes-to-Lords behaviour (Indian cricket. Ignore if not understood)

Song.

He gets beaten up by the girl’s family.

Interval.

Scene: Police station.

Present time (because all that was a flash back when our hero was languishing in prison)

The police like his story and are kind-hearted (and have nothing else to do).They are going to help him in his quest.

Vinod walks out of his home due to family-pressure. Starts a helmet-business to earn money to woo Aisha.

Super successful (obvious in India where hundreds die on roads).They enlist the help of her tutor (typical) to smuggle letters and the romance blooms. And Vinod opens (or begins) a purdah shop where he kisses her on the forehead.

Best-friend: 3 months and you only got till the forehead??

Girl’s uncle caught in factory-workers strike due to a mining-accident or something.

Lover boy fends off party-workers attacking the uncle. Father angry and decides to send her off somewhere else to a new life.

Crying on both sides. Vinod arranges a last meeting with the help of elder sister Mehru.

Loved this dialogue: Aisha the girl will never forget you but Aisha the Muslim has to.

Crying in car. And pleas to stay and run away(on Vinod’s part).Aisha runs off into the rain.

Thoughtful uncle says this is wrong. Because it wasn't what Aisha’s late mother wanted for Aisha. What happened to Mehru (terrible failed arranged marriage) wouldn't happen to Aisha. Permission granted.

Beautifully happy Aisha tries his cell phone. Expectedly switched-off. Last-minute tension.

Has he killed himself??

Till they trace his phone to a port/bridge. They meet (Cue: confetti throwing!!):Kiss...as seen from behind the girl's head. Like in a fake kiss in a cheesy Hindi movie. But this is(supposed to be) real all right. Pretty considerate toward a parent-including audience.

Smart-aleck best-friend: Bugger finally got beyond the forehead.

Sweet as sugar smiles on everyone’s face.

 Lights on!

Maybe my synopsis hasn't been kind to the movie so for the interests of fairness,it was a sweet lovey-dovey romance of the innocent lambs type but not of the silly chunariya-udti Bollywood kind...depicted like only serious cinema can and Bollywood can’t. And the songs were pretty good too. The only problem: I couldn't watch it. However cynical and scoffy I sound here, every time the hero (what we call the male lead in India)went ultra lover soppy eyes at the lady or a very romantic song began I’d feel uncomfortable and skipped it. This is acceptable if you’re watching the stuff with anyone else but I wasn't.

Funny that I can’t handle two people making puppy eyes at one another when I don’t mind some hard core making-out between Jean Grey and Wolverine.

And I've been wondering why.

It’s just like singletons can’t bear to be around two people who are really in love. All the closeness. The privateness. It’s like your'e invading a person’s home when they’re singing in the shower (or having sex.Trust me to dramatise drama).

And this was a damn movie. They WANTED to be invaded. Still I couldn't.

Maybe I'm a jealous single 18 year old. Funny, because I really don’t want to date.

Or maybe the protagonists were REALLY in love and those love beams were seeping out from the movie. But no news of a scandal.

Or maybe it’s some spell or potion my parents have secretly fed me to keep me single (and out of the influences of romantic tosh) till they can marry me off. Highly unlikely. Though daddy’s Keep-the-family-name-high speeches do have a similar effect.

Or maybe I'm just not a romantic person. No. Because I do have crushes and things like that (yay, I'm normal. Take that, shrinks!)

Or maybe I should stick to cartoons. And X-men (anybody else think James Mc Avoy is geek-fantasy material? no one?), which is a pretty good lookout, so, oh yeah!

I rediscovered Cheb Khaled after another crazy 90’s music session with the family. And boy do I love the songs!

The first is an Aisha song I'm really loving...it's a remake of a Khaled song by Outlandish.But you can go watch the Khaled version on YouTube.

And the next is Didi. One of his most famous songs.You'll probably remember hearing it from your childhood like me!

And I have a job with A Lot of Pages...well, not a job. But it is a commitment so I reviewed Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Boy was I crazy punch drunk after that book. You’ll find the review here!